The discouragement/depression after relapse

I'm posting because I need to share what I'm feeling. Perhaps it will help someone understand what it is like for those addicted to pornography/masturbation/sex (sexual addiction).

After 5 days of sobriety, on day 6 I relapsed. I started the 90 day program (arpsupport.org) which was helping a lot. It helped me to choose against the impulsive/habitual masturbation and pornography viewing I've been doing daily. But when a Lust Craving came, I went for it. I didn't reach out to anyone. The desire was so strong.

In looking back at what I could have done I wonder, "How can I stop doing something that I want!?" Or I should say "want in the moment."

An insight that came was, in those moments not wanting to act out just because it is "wrong" won't be a strong enough reason to stop. I have to want to stop for ME. I have to want to stop because it is in my best interest. Basically I have to have a stronger desire to NOT WANT TO act out despite the cravings as opposed to "resisting." Because you can't resist something you want so strongly.

How can I get to this point where I can, in the moment, remember that pornography, noncommittal making out, masturbation, and any other form of lust does not serve me well? This is a question I must ponder.

I'm going to add more to this about the discouragement I am feeling right now at a later time, but going to publish it for now.